i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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