guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
