My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
