is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
