those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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