My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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