I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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