the day after is always just damage control
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
