Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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