In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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