Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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