um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
