i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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