What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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