so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
