OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
