So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
