Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
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I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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