he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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