I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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