Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
