ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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