i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
