We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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