How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
