omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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