Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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