I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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