I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
