nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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