Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
