did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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