I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
