they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
