i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
