It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
