and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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