A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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