Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
