I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
