Pappa wants mamma naked
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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