Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i out mim tonsoeep
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