the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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