Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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