I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
