Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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