So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
