i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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