I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.