I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship