Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT