she is the kim kardashian of front butts
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?