we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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