new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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