Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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