lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
