girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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