I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
