Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
