He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
