if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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