it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
