I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
