I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize