I think I died a long time ago.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
