Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
