You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
