At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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