its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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