how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
