On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
