I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
