He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
