My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
