Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He did a backflip because drugs
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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