I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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