mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cockslap morals
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
