You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
