First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
