Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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