I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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