I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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