I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
