I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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