there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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