and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
