What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
