I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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