take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
