"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I bet he comes in French.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
